18 04 2010

This is an old post I wrote forever ago on a different blog, but it still rings true and I’m definitely feeling it right now:

The best friendships and relationships I have are, of course, based upon trust and love and loyalty, but one of the most important qualities these relationships possesses is one that I rarely hear about – that of giving someone the benefit of the doubt. What does this mean? According to one person, it is “to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either.”

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be difficult to do – mostly because we have all been hurt enough to remember a time when we had given someone the benefit of the doubt only to be let down – but we must fight the urge to think the worst because there’s something more important on the line. If we don’t give loved ones the benefit of the doubt, we may find our relationships cannot be as strong because of a lack of good will.

I never gave much thought to this quality until someone asked me about the last time I spoke to one of my best girlfriends. Sadly, I couldn’t remember right off the top of my head – it had maybe been a week. Then this person asked if everything was okay with us and I confidently responded ‘yes, of course’. At that moment, I became conscious of the fact that I will always give my girlfriends the benefit of the doubt. There was a time when I spoke to my best girlfriends every single day, but we are all so busy nowadays that we no longer have that luxury. Sometimes they don’t call me back or they don’t call at all. Sometimes they cancel. Sometimes life happens. I know in my heart that it is not because they don’t love me or want to spend time with me – it’s because they have lives, too. They are doing their best to be good friends, daughters, girlfriends, wives, and sisters – as most people do – and to think the worst of their intentions would be doing a great disservice to our friendship.

Applying the benefit of the doubt will do wonders for your life and friendships. Not only will you begin to think the best of the people you love, but you will no longer think the worst of yourself. In the end, not giving someone the benefit of the doubt is not an issue you have with someone else, it is an issue you have with yourself.

We have to work hard for our relationships, especially in an age where friendships seem to be transient and distant because of day-to-day life and the internet. We have to be proactive. And most of all, we have to take responsibility for our halves of the whole of our friendships. Ask questions, make time, and give the benefit of the doubt – if they’re really your friends, they’ll do the same.


change your story. [a re-post]

14 04 2010

from tiny buddha:

Change the story in your head.
Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it–and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up…

Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story. One where you’re not a victim. One where you’re not powerless. One where you’re accepting what happened, and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book.
so many times, we are punished by our mistakes but we don’t let it end there.  we continue to punish ourselves long after what’s been done is done.  get over it, i say!  i should take my own advice.

lights at the end of the tunnels

13 04 2010

i have four tunnels (aka law school finals), so i need four things to look forward to.  last semester i decided that once i finish a final, the rest of that day is all mine – no studying allowed.   my brain is mush after all that studying and it deserves a break, even if it is just one night.

my first final is this friday, and as a reward for finishing it, nick and i are going to sasabune on wilshire and one of those college streets.  allegedly, it’s the best sushi in the city.  emily of cupcakes and cashmere fame recommended it and i’m kind of intrigued by this whole “there’s no menu” bizness.  afterwards, we’re heading to yummy cupcakes on wilshire and 3rd street so i can indulge in a red velvet cupcake with cocoa cream cheese frosting.

as for my other finals, i’m thinking about heading down to the farmer’s market to try out singapore’s banana leaf.  my dear friend, monica, ate there recently and loved it.  plus i’ve never been to the farmer’s market here in lala-land.  can you believe it?!  also on my radar:

  1. vanilla bakeshop – the shop itself is so pretty and i bet the cupcakes are yumz.  we walk by it every time we head to sur la table (we go there a lot so i can fawn over all the pretty kitchen things) – and  i always ask myself why we never stop in.  it is time to remedy that.
  2. huckleberry cafe– i love love love this place.  their cappuccinos are to die for (get full fat milk) and they have these HUGE fluffy fat cinnamon sugar donuts.  and snickerdoodle muffins!  but what i’m really pumped about are these thursday night family dinners they offer (and guess what? i have a final on a thursday…coincidence?  i think not).  it is a three course meal with an amuse-bouche and the menu changes every week.
  3. daikokuya ramen – annie recommended this place to me AGES ago.  i am obsessed with ramen to the max, so it is a testament to the workload of law school that i have yet to go.

i think that covers me for four nights of foodie indulgence.  at least it gives me something to look forward to during finals.  oh, and i’m working on my monthly ‘see what i see’ post…coming soon!

i love dr. seuss

7 04 2010

My favorite quotes from an awesome dude: Dr. Seuss

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“Fun is good.”

make good [a re-post]

5 04 2010

i check this lovely lady’s blog on the daily because she’s funny and real and says some pretty smart things.  i loved today’s so i’ll re-post it for ya:

My alarm goes off at 5:30 am and I pounce on that snooze button like a tiger chasing its prey… repeat scenario 7 minutes later.   Repeat 3 more times.   I grind at the workhouse until 3:30… then subject myself to hot yoga till 6.   Head home for mommy duty and work some more.   Go to bed and do it all over again….    I can rest when I’m dead right?  But fuck, I’m hella tired.

But isn’t everyone?  Cuz you worked a twelve hour shift today, and your 3 kids are all being potty trained right now.   Her commute is 3 hours each way, and she still has to cook dinner for 10 people.   I have 5 loads of laundry, but your sister has 8…  That other girl has a paper due in 2 hours, and his project deadline is in 12 minutes.

I’m tired, but so are you.  And so is she, and he is too.   But somehow, we still manage to get shit done..  those deadlines are met.  The laundry is done and dinner is on the table.   That paper’s been turned in, and this article’s been written.  Why?

Cuz being tired is not an excuse.

I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who don’t give me the “I’m tired” excuse.   The people in my circle create and execute with the best of ‘em, and guess what?  They’re all tired, too.   But that never stops them from doing what they need, or want, to do.

Being tired is not an excuse…  so don’t make excuses.  Just make good.

Too often, I use the “I’m tired” excuse then feel extremely guilty for using it.  Then, I torture myself for hours about it.  Maybe if I just don’t use the excuse at all and handle my business like I’m supposed to, I won’t have to deal with the guilt and waste the energy torturing myself.  Time to make good…

so…i just found out i’m not 20 anymore.

3 04 2010

once upon a time, i was able to say “oh, more shots of vodka?  sure, i’ll down that, because you know what?  i never get hangovers.  EVER.”  i was naïve to think that i was just hard-wired that way.   a couple of years ago, i would wake up with a tiny headache after a night of debauchery and think to myself, “oh, maybe this is a hangover.  this isn’t bad at all!”   yesterday morning, reality hit me.  hello, full-blown hangover.  where have you been all my life?

a couple of nights ago, i went out with some friends from law school.  first things first:  i had a fabulous time.  i never really go out because law school has me invisibly chained to my desk and laptop, so it was nice to let loose a little.  one beer led to another, then i was drinking wine, and before i knew it, that blueberry stoli and soda tasted like juice!  this was not moderation, friends.  needless to say, when i got home i left a pile of clothes on the floor and stumbled into bed, conking out before i could get a sip of water in.  BIG mistake.

i won’t be drinking again until after finals are over.  the hangover was just what i needed to get my ass into gear.

p.s. – highlights of the night?  singing “what about love” by heart at the top of my lungs with laura, getting frey to love brussels sprouts, and scoring a table for 10 at father’s office.  good times.

Bikram Yoga

19 03 2010

If you’ve never done it, you’re missing out on torture.  Torture that burns the cellulite off.  It’s amazing and horrifying all at once.