what’s going on here?

29 04 2010

as soon as i finished my contracts final (#2 out of 4), the lazy me showed up and hasn’t left.  i haven’t run much since i don’t know when.  i have been eating like a horse and i’ve been eating things that are not good for me, like mochi, chocolate, burgers, fried chicken and other crap.  i’ve also be averse to studying.  go away, lazy me.  go away.  the end is near…let’s finish strong.


stream of consciousness

25 04 2010

it’s been awhile since i blogged, eh?  law school finals will do that to a person.  sadly, i have nothing all that interesting to report.  just, you know, studying my butt off and locking myself in our bedroom while yelling at nick to be quiet.  of course, there’s also been a lot of double shots of espresso and cream at odd hours.  i’ve also made several trips to the store for ice cream and mochi.  i had trouble finding those little 5-hour energy bottles at the grocery store.  do they only sell those at gas stations and convenience stores?  if so, that’s a BAD sign.  last week, i had cupcakes for five out of seven days.  just trying to make sure that i look like a walrus in my swimsuit this summer.  i moved our foyer table (to be used in our future foyer) into our bedroom and made a little workspace in the corner.  SO WHAT if i can’t open half of my closet because a dining room chair/foyer desk chair is in the way?  i don’t care because i haven’t changed out of my pajamas since friday and nick just did laundry so i’ll hang those clothes over that dining chair and hope i don’t have to wear anything more formal than yoga pants for the next fourteen days.

goalie love

19 04 2010

mental toughness – it’s a beautiful thing.  i don’t know if there are too many athletes that are mentally tougher than NHL goalies.  as i watched the kings game tonight, i thought about how incredibly resilient goalies have to be when they get scored on, when their teams lose, or when they get pulled from the game.  as much as i liked taunting the opposing team’s goalie (from my couch, no less),  a part of me felt bad for the dude.  when your team loses, it’s always possible to walk into that locker room thinking your effort or lack thereof made the difference between winning and losing.  think about the toll that could take on someone who isn’t mentally tough.  they are the gatekeepers to the holy goals that win games.  they shoulder the team and tend to take the blame when a team loses.  after all, it is about how many goals the goalie lets in to the net.

to be a good goalie, you have to be willing to let go of that goal that was just scored on you and forge ahead.  for many people, goalie or not, it’s hard to let go of the last moment they felt defeated.  but letting go is what will let you save that next shot; lingering too long over the last shot you let in just makes you vulnerable to another.

to be a good goalie, you have to be willing to fall, flail, block, stretch, dive, and dip, only to get right back up again.  you have to put yourself out there and that’s scary.  this willingness to stand in front of a puck, even with all that padding, is mighty brave.

to be a GREAT goalie, you have to let go of the losses and hold onto the wins.  losses can cause self-doubt in anyone and you can’t listen to that voice.  you have to trust yourself despite the losses.  doubts and second-guessing can lead to wishy-washy choices, and when i say that, i am talking about life just as much as i am talking about hockey.

all of these qualities don’t just appear out of thin air.  these guys need to have an impeccable work ethic to build the confidence and preparedness that is the foundation of their mental toughness.  you can’t be mentally tough if you don’t feel like you have a right to be where you are.  in a place of mental toughness, there is no intimidation.  you deal with what’s in front of you – no more, no less.  no wonder i love ryan miller.  ok, ok, i just love hockey players in general.  hockey guys are awesome!  (hi nick!)

Jonathan Quick deflecting a puck. GO KINGS GO!!! Photo Cred: rinkroyalty.com


18 04 2010

This is an old post I wrote forever ago on a different blog, but it still rings true and I’m definitely feeling it right now:

The best friendships and relationships I have are, of course, based upon trust and love and loyalty, but one of the most important qualities these relationships possesses is one that I rarely hear about – that of giving someone the benefit of the doubt. What does this mean? According to one person, it is “to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either.”

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be difficult to do – mostly because we have all been hurt enough to remember a time when we had given someone the benefit of the doubt only to be let down – but we must fight the urge to think the worst because there’s something more important on the line. If we don’t give loved ones the benefit of the doubt, we may find our relationships cannot be as strong because of a lack of good will.

I never gave much thought to this quality until someone asked me about the last time I spoke to one of my best girlfriends. Sadly, I couldn’t remember right off the top of my head – it had maybe been a week. Then this person asked if everything was okay with us and I confidently responded ‘yes, of course’. At that moment, I became conscious of the fact that I will always give my girlfriends the benefit of the doubt. There was a time when I spoke to my best girlfriends every single day, but we are all so busy nowadays that we no longer have that luxury. Sometimes they don’t call me back or they don’t call at all. Sometimes they cancel. Sometimes life happens. I know in my heart that it is not because they don’t love me or want to spend time with me – it’s because they have lives, too. They are doing their best to be good friends, daughters, girlfriends, wives, and sisters – as most people do – and to think the worst of their intentions would be doing a great disservice to our friendship.

Applying the benefit of the doubt will do wonders for your life and friendships. Not only will you begin to think the best of the people you love, but you will no longer think the worst of yourself. In the end, not giving someone the benefit of the doubt is not an issue you have with someone else, it is an issue you have with yourself.

We have to work hard for our relationships, especially in an age where friendships seem to be transient and distant because of day-to-day life and the internet. We have to be proactive. And most of all, we have to take responsibility for our halves of the whole of our friendships. Ask questions, make time, and give the benefit of the doubt – if they’re really your friends, they’ll do the same.

lesser of two evils: polite-but-silently-judging-you or annoying-and-in-your-face-but-keepin’-it-real

15 04 2010

how do you like that title?  it’s a gem, i know.  this particular blog isn’t to say that there are only two kinds of people – it’s a spectrum and these are the opposite ends of it.  of course, there are people who aren’t at all judge-y or annoying and in your face (but still manage to keep it real).  i’m just saying, if you had to choose between these two, which would YOU prefer?

the polite-but-silently-judging-you type can be nice because these kinds of peeps keep up appearances.  they are congenial and they are polite to you – heck, they may even compliment you – but lurking underneath that saccharin exterior are judgmental monsters who come out to play once you’ve left the table.  they say things behind people’s backs or whisper things under their breath, but they’d never dare say that shit to your face because they aren’t into rocking the boat.  you’ll probably like this person because they’re agreeable and nice.  i’ve definitely liked more than my share of them.  the problem with them is that you can be friends with these kinds of people for long periods of time and not even know that this is who they are.  they’re just so polite and seemingly harmless!*

annoying-and-in-your-face-but-keepin’-it-real people are good because you immediately know what you’re in for, like it or not.  you may hate what they have to say about you or life or religion or whatever, but hey, the bottom line is you know what they really think.  they’ll rock the boat, or even better, they’ll flip the boat over if that’s what it takes to express their thoughts and feelings.  you’ll dislike them for it but at least you know that feeling of dislike is directed toward a genuine person and you’re probably adult enough to be okay with disagreement.  the downside to this is that you may not like the person much and thus you won’t have any desire to continue contact.

i choose annoying-and-in-your-face-but-keepin’-it-real.  polite-but-silently-judging-you won’t help when it comes to encouraging others to grow as a human beings.  they don’t challenge my thoughts or take me out of my comfort zone, which i think is important to becoming a well-rounded person.  at the same time, they shrink my emotional intelligence, because every time i let them get away with their shit, they take a grain-sized piece of dignity away.  those grains add up!  and hey, at least annoying-and-in-your-face-but-keepin’-it-real is giving me a choice; ican take it or leave it.   polite-but-silently-judging-you doesn’t give you a choice until you discover the truth, and by then, you already feel like you’ve been had.

i also recommend continuing contact with people who you disagree with – as uncomfortable as it can be, i think it really forces you to think about your beliefs, as well as others’ beliefs, in new ways.  if the person is bold enough to call you out on your alleged bullshit, all the more wonderful because you’ll think about yourself in a new light (whether what they say is true or not).  i’ve had this happen on more than one occasion and though i was super annoyed at the time, in hindsight, i’m glad they said something or i’d be walking around acting a fool.

*please trust that there’s no judgment coming from me on this one, because i’ve definitely played this card before (usually when it’s political or i’m just feeling a little insecure) – it’s just not who i am on the regular.  there have also been many times where i’ve failed to call people on their bullshit (like serious-type bullshit), so i know that i’m not that evolved, either.

also, sorry for the serious post.  finals got me in a surrrrious mood.

change your story. [a re-post]

14 04 2010

from tiny buddha:

Change the story in your head.
Sometimes when you’re in a bad mood, it’s tempting to cling to a story that justifies it–and then retell it over and over like a picture book you’ve heard a million times. And then he said this…And then I did this…And then I messed up…

Visualize yourself closing a book and taking a new one off the shelf. Then start telling yourself a different story. One where you’re not a victim. One where you’re not powerless. One where you’re accepting what happened, and moving on so you don’t lose anymore time to that other book.
so many times, we are punished by our mistakes but we don’t let it end there.  we continue to punish ourselves long after what’s been done is done.  get over it, i say!  i should take my own advice.

13 for april

13 04 2010

pictures of the first 22 1/2 hours of my day.

{instead of going to class, i caught up on missed contracts lectures}

{smoothie - orange juice, banana, cherry berry frozen mix from trader joe's, and frozen mangoes}

{getting fancy wit it}

{always armed with obagi sunscreen, hand sanitizer, and a highlighter}

{i park a little further for a prettier walk to school: ucla's sculpture garden}

{daytime books}

{i put nick's beloved pepper in the sun when i got home}

{my headless monster of a husband}

{my obsession - it prints 7,000 pages on a single cartridge!}

{everyday, i am reminded of these things that need to be hung - will they be on next month's 13?}

{this is what nick does when i study - so cute}

{our fridge - which i see a lot of because during finals i eat my stress away}

{nighttime books}

and there you have it, folks.  a day in the life of a law student in the 14th week of spring semester and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  no, not really.  i just thought it sounded cool.